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Fel Friday! Fido’s Present

Huge thanks to Liard for the great Vrykul edit!

Prison Break

 Prison Log #253:
The prisoners continue their habit of non-cooperation. As per the captain’s orders, the males and females have been separated into different cells and their clothing has been removed. Brennan took a right bollocking for not having this done in the first place and has now been entrusted to guarding the latrines on the outskirts of the base.

Prison Log #254:
The prisoners seem more restless than usual. Whether this is a result merely of their continued captivity or of their segregation is unclear as they continue to shout expletives at the translator when approached. I’ve caught Hayes eyeing up the blood elf girl when he thinks I’m not looking. Suppose I can’t blame him.

Prison Log #255:
A new prisoner was carted in during the night. A big black tauren with white markings all over his body. He was caught molesting some poor draenei girl not far from the base and sent three men to the infirmary when a patrol interrupted him. The captain thinks he could prove useful for labour work but a lot of the recruits think he should be executed immediately. 

Prison Log #256:
The captain wants the prisoners moved. With the addition of the tauren yesterday he thinks the cells will no longer be fit to house any more Horde we capture. He’s going to oversee the move to the old barracks himself as we have no more guards to spare for such a task. Some of the newer recruits are a bit wary of moving such a group with so few swords but the captain doesn’t foresee any problems, they’re unarmed and naked after all.
  

Fel Friday! Saaenya’s Favorite

Iron Friday! “Surviving Orc Encounters” by Sara Stonehearth

“Ello! Welcome to a special edition of my best selling survival guide! This month we gonna look into surviving an encounter with a savage, brutal orc!  We are right now far inside an entombed valley, somewhere deep in ancient Nagrand, we…  wait… here one comes! It’s a big one!”

Grom Hellscream “You there… Dwarf! How dare you desecrate these graves!”

“The first job, don’t panic! Orcs can be feral creatures that spook easily.  Start by making eye contact and holding it to tell it you ain’t gonna back down, keep staring as you slowly begin taking off your clothing one at a time.  The act of removing your garments will confuse and befuddle the creature.

Grom Hellscream “What… what are you doing!?

“We got it flustered!  Now get down on the ground, don’t break the eye contact! It’s important you keep it focused on you! Once down, crawl slowly over to it in a subtle manner, getting ready to put ourselves in a better position.  We are trying to establish on the orcs heirachy as strong yet submissive!  Once you get close enough, reach in and yank out the penis!  Do it quickly before it realizes what has happened!”

Grom Hellscream “Who… who are you talking to… HEY!”

“YOINK! Now that you have it, stroke the penis vigorously to relieve some pressure, before grabbing the balls.  Now you have taken some of the control away, but don’t get cocky! Ahaha! Believe it or not, an orc can power through most testicale pain.  What we gotta do is knock the wanker right out with a good cream.  Take ya lips and wrap them around the head, making sure to get a good seal around that throbbing knob.  Once you got it to fit, suck like a murloc entered in a beauty pagent!  Never break the eye contact!

*long string of slurping sounds commences.*

Grom Hellscream “Oh… oh shit…  Why is this working! Ahhhhhhhh!

Bloody hell! He was a real canon, that one! Once climax has been reached, you can sneak away, or engage in some pillow talk, I ain’t gonna judge!

Congradulations, lads and lasses! You just survived an orc encounter!

Check out next time when I brave the peaks of Highmountain! Cheers!”

Milking the Bull

An Acceptable Reward

Fel Friday! The Arena What If!

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