Kul Tiran Model @ Elwynnstoryteller
It was a bitter night, the pale moons shining through forlorn trees. A deep mist consumed much of the area, but soon it was pierced by a small light. A rowboat, carefully traversing the difficult waterways that filled the swamplands, burned away at the mists as it traveled, it’s two occupants focused on moving deeper into the murk.
“This is pointless. This place likely no longer exists.” came a voice from the smallest occupant, her hazel eyes darting around in concern, searching for unseen dangers. “Don’t worry, Pidge, it will be here…” the other figure assured, her stature confident and poised, “Has Captain Robyn ever led you astray?”
Pidge furrowed her brow, “Do you really want me to answer that?”
Robyn chuckled much to her companions annoyance, but before long another light came into view. “There!” she yelled. Pidge quickly altered her rowing to head towards the source, and it was not long before they came across an old shanty halfway buried in the dirt. “Wait a minute…” Pidge narrowed her eyes as if overcome with familiarity, a sign coming into view, “Oh no… You couldn’t mean… This is your contact here!?”
Robyn stepped off the boat as they hit land, raising her lantern to the signs facade, “The Salty Wench” she read aloud, “No better place to get information on the other pirate crews around this region.”
“Why did you bring me here!? Out of all the places…” she steamed, throwing the oars at Robyn with enough force to give her a nice whack on the head. “Ouch! Hey!” Robyn said as she caught her falling hat, “I already came here with Talos last week, but he wouldn’t sell us the information we needed. I thought maybe you could talk with him.”
Pidges eye bulged, reaching out her hands as if to emote her strangling the young women, but she quickly calmed herself down. “Fine, but this better not be long…”
As the two entered the shanty a little bell rang, they scanned to see the place empty for the night, minus the large figure standing ominously behind the bar. “Welcome to the Salty Wench! Please make yourself comfortable, we got three week old murloc soup on the menu today.”
“Reggie!” Robyn yelled, snapping her fingers followed by a wink. Pidge rolled her eyes as the silly display.
“Oh, hello again, Cap’n Robyn! It’s Reginald by the way…” the stout human answered as he looked up from shining his mug, a voice that didn’t fit his imposing stature, “I hoping you not back requesting what we talked about before, I already be telling…” he stopped suddenly, the stout woman beside Robyn catching his eye.
“P.. Pidgora!?” he exclaimed in a meek yet excited voice, “Goodness, lass, it’s been so long…”
“Not long enough, Reginald.” She fired back, moving up to the bar and taking a tankard from in front of him. Without flinching she chugged it down without so much as a breath, “Now give the cap’n what she wants so we can leave…”
Reginald meekly shook his head, “You know I can’t do that, wify-woo.”
Pidge’s face contorted as she leapt up onto the bar, grabbing Reginald by the lapel of his shirt and pulling him close, “I ain’t you wife no more, so you better not dare call me that again!”
Robyn stood awkwardly in the back, her face trying not to crack a smile at the terrible display she had wrought. Reginald put up his hands in surrender, “I’m sorry, lass! I just thought, you know, maybe we can patch things up a bit?”
Pidge closed her eyes, trying to hold back the urge to punch him square in his jaw. “We are done. We will always be done.” she said solemnly as she released her grip, “Let me ask you, how long has it been since you had sex? A week?” she questioned, “Month?”
Reginald lowered his eyes, “Been a year since I had a good shag.”
Pidge raised her brow, “So would having some spectacular sex be good enough payment for the information?” she inquired with conviction. Reginald looked up, “You mean….!? Well, I guess that would be good enough, yes!”
Pidge picked up two tankards and hopped down from the bar, “Don’t get any ideas, I ain’t the one that’s gonna fuck ya, she is…” pointing one fingers over at her captain as she downed another brew.
Both Robyn and Reginald shook their head in surprise, the captain looking on with sudden confusion, “Wh… what, you can’t mean…”. Reginald chimed in, “That isn’t what…” but Pidge cut them both off as she chugged yet another tankard, wiping the overflow from her mouth and grabbing a fifth.
“No, I am done here. I am taking this beer outside to enjoy the wonderful damp air of this disgusting swamp.” she continued with a sip, “Reginald, you will work out the deal with the captain, or I will burn this place to the ground.” she took another sip, savoring the froth, “Captain, and this is with all due respect, you are going to fuck my ex-husband’s brains out to get what you need, mostly because that’s the only way you are going to get it, but also as revenge for bringing me here in the first place.”
As the two stood in further shock, Pidge raised her mug and stood in the doorway, “Oi, and make sure to lube up, I used to call his little sailor my rock hammer, and you will find out why soon enough. See ya soon.” and mimicking Robyn’s earlier snap and wink, the dwarf was gone.
Robyn and Reginald stood in silence for a few more moments, Robyn turning to the large barkeep, “Should we, Reggie?” she asked. With a shrug, Reginald meekly answered “Well… She seemed pretty adamant we do it, do you want to risk pissing her off further? Also, it’s Reginald…” he exclaimed.
Robyn didn’t really have to think about it, “Well then, Reggie, better whip out that rock hammer…
About the author
Born (Or is that Porn?) in the wilds. Rexx was raised by a tribe of howler monkeys. When his adopted parents were murdered in a hillbilly accident, he swore to a life of calling himself an orc on the internet and making a whole lot of pornography. Okay, some of that is fabricated, but which parts!? You may never know!